Best Card Messages

Perhaps there is nothing more difficult to write than a message in a sympathy card. Knowing someone who is going through loss can be difficult, and figuring out what to say to that person can be confusing. A few options include writing something encouraging, meaningful, or supportive. Make your message sincere and thoughtful. Use the following examples to help you figure out the best  words to write.

If you want to write your own message, you can use these common words found in good sympathy messages. Combine these after thinking about how each could fit into your message.

Verbs

Send, know, write, hear, comfort, feel, grieving, offer, need, pray, passing, five, visit, leave, ended, mention, suffer, remember, experience, process, miss, love, live, cherish, ease, care, pray

Nouns

Life, name, sorrow, explanation, pain, acquaintance, new, someone, depth, letter, experience, remembrance, road, donation, flowers, memories, feeling, illness, thoughts, memory, love, comfort, heart, death, condolence, deceased, words, condolences, time, sympathy, loss, friend, family, words, sympathy, tragedy, strength, peace, tears, silence, days, prayer, moment

Adjectives

Close, short, heartfelt, hard, immediately, sensitive, depth, appropriate, grieving, special, loved, long, difficult, best, ready, sorrowful, sad

Phrases

Please accept, difficult time, time of sorrow, deeply saddened, the days ahead, my condolences

When you put these words of sympathy together you can get a sympathy message like this:
"Please accept my condolences for your loss. I will pray that you have strength and peace in this moment of grieving."

Sympathy cards are used for encouragement, comfort, and support, but there are many ways a sympathy card should not be used.  Sympathy messages should stick to the point. Here are a few examples of things that you should not write in a sympathy card:

• "George owed me 25 dollars."  As ridiculous as it sounds, some people think it's o.k. to bring up that the deceased owes money. Those same people might spend more on a sympathy gift than the money owed. Don't use a sympathy card to mention that someone owed you money.
  
• "It was Ruth's Time." This is just stating the obvious. She's dead, so it was her time. You don't need to point out the obvious.
• "At least Jim's pain is over." This is a message that doesn't help comfort the person who is grieving. He or she may be feeling an extreme loss. Maybe the surviving person would rather the deceased be in pain and alive with them. How can you be sure someone's pain is over anyway?
• "In a year from now, you will be over all of this and move on with your life."  Sure this sounds like a great way to get the person to rationalize feelings, but it's not likely to comfort someone in a time of grief. Meet the grieving person in the moment, then help them find that peaceful future.
• "Your husband deserved to die. You are better without him." Maybe he was an angry man, or he may have had a drinking problem or something. Making a judgment about whether someone is better off dead is not appropriate for a sympathy card. You might as well buy a congratulations card and celebrate not having to be around the deceased anymore.
  

Even though these examples seem ridiculous, some people will not have the sense to leave these out of a sympathy card. Some people will do other things such as make the message focus more on themselves than the person grieving or the person who died. And they will believe that they are helping. It's possible this is one time when it is the "thought that counts." Try to make your message count, not just the thought.